It is easy to get swept away at the beginning of a new relationship. Everything is driven by passion and lust during those heady early days, and it is too easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. The start of a new relationship is always an exciting time, and your new partner seems perfect and faultless.
However, you might be doing yourself a favor by taking off the rose-colored glasses and taking a good look at your new paramour before you get in too deep.
There are various red flags you should watch out for. These are things you should trust your gut on, which can show you what pitfalls might be awaiting the relationship further down the line. So, let’s take a look at 4 red flags which might make you run for the hills!
- The sex can be telling. There might be some hitches in the early days, as you are still getting to know one another’s likes and dislikes, but if it’s still awful after a few months then you have a problem. Don’t pretend it isn’t a big deal and shrug it off, because a healthy and happy sex life is a huge part of any relationship. If the sex is no good, this is a symptom of a much bigger problem.
“Our sex life was so boring,” says Joanna, 25, “he wasn’t interested in trying anything new. He thought as long as he was happy it was fine, so I left and found someone who was more adventurous and cared about my pleasure as well as his own.”
- Your partner not asking you any questions about yourself, or not seeming interested when you volunteer information, is another warning sign. The first few days are the ideal time to discover new things about one another. Rather than assuming this is because your partner is nervous, ask yourself whether it could be because they aren’t interested. This could be someone who only cares about themselves.
“On our first date, he only talked about himself,” Marie, 30 tells us, “I put it down to nerves, but he was the same on the second date. He wasn’t interested in me at all. Needless to say, I said no to the offer of a third date.”
- Extreme jealousy is a huge red flag. Your partner might start out very charming and romantic, but before you know it, they might be accusing you of flirting with others or infidelity. A clingy or super-jealous partner is not going to make life easy for you, and you will find yourself second-guessing everything you do. The worst-case scenario here is someone whose jealousy is uncontrollable. They might then become very controlling of you.
“He accused me of having an affair with the dentist, just because I had to go twice in one week. I told him to come with me if he was that jealous, and he did. Only to find out my dentist was a 60-year old woman, and her only interest in me was fixing a broken filling!” says Lori, 23.
- He should be respectful when making plans together. If you are the one making all the plans, ask yourself why he isn’t coming up with anything. Or maybe he is waiting to see if his buddies want to do something in which case he will cancel whatever you have arranged. If you’re not his priority, it might be time to find someone who respects you more.
“My boyfriend would happily agree to whatever I planned for us, but never come up with any ideas himself. One weekend he even told me he had the flu so he had to cancel our trip away,” Sophie, 22 reveals, “but I found out afterward he’d gone on a weekend vacation with his buddies! The photos were all over Facebook! That was it – I dumped him on the spot.”