What are the tell-tale signs of partner abuse?

When in a relationship, it’s easy to convince yourself that it was just a one-off. That things aren’t normally like that. That he or she would never normally do that – they are just under pressure. Worse, it’s easy to blame yourself; that you shouldn’t have said that or done that. Basically, when we are in a relationship, we do all that we can to try and stay in one – including looking the other way on our partners less savoury habits. And while accepting someone for who they are is part of loving them, accepting their serious issues is not your job. That’s why, if you are in a relationship, you need to know how to look out for the tell-tale signs of abuse.

What are the most common signs of partner abuse you might miss?

Today, the most obvious signs of abuse will stem from verbal threats. Verbal abuse, from name-calling to abusing your looks or your skills, especially in front of others, is a clear tell-tale sign of partner abuse. There is a difference in having a risky sense of humour or being able to rip one another about things in good fun and in jest, and in simply being rude, abusive, and hurtful.

Indeed, another sign of this stems from when you are given the blame for their actions. If you are physically struck, or they attack someone else, and you are given the blame? That is a clear sign of partner abuse.

Generally, though, signs of controlling and manipulative behaviour can be a sign of partner abuse. While it can be packaged as a love for you and a desire for you to be safe, it’s often to do with their own ego. Don’t assume that a partner who cares about your whereabouts or simply wants to look after you is dangerous; there is a difference in being caring and being suffocating.

If your partner asks you to text them when you arrive somewhere, that is one thing. If they start asking for receipts for purchases or wish to read your text messages? That is another thing entirely.

Partner abuse impacts everyone around you

Remember that if you are going through an abusive period that you are not the only person impacted. If you have kids, they are going to be the indirect party that is most impacted by the atmosphere of abuse in the household. So, if you are someone who has been putting off doing something about partner abuse – including moving on, or even going to the police – then you need to do something about it.

There is no reason to accept abuse in any relationship, but especially in a relationship that is supposed to be about love. If you find that your life is being controlled, your speech is being limited, and your opinion seems to matter little, you should speak out. And if that does not work? You should take action.

Your life is worth more than simply putting up with abuse because you feel you need to.